There are these 4 guys driving in a car together, 1 from Maine, 1 from Vermont, 1 from Massachusetts, and 1 from New Hampshire.
Down the road a bit, the man from Maine starts throwing bags of potatoes out of the car window, and the man from NH asks "What are you doing that for?" The man from Maine says "We have so many potatoes just lying around our state and I'm just sick and tired of seeing these things."
Down the road a bit more, the man from Vermont starts throwing jugs of maple syrup out of the car window. The man from NH asks "What are you doing that for?" The man from Vermont says "We have so many of these jugs just lying around our state, and I'm just sick and tired of seeing these things."
And moments later....
The man from New Hampshire throws the man from Massachusetts out of the window...
Showing posts with label NH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NH. Show all posts
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Vermont vs New Hampshire
Recently, I had the opportunity to visit Vermont and New Hampshire. My trips again reminded me of the incredible differences between two states many assume are similar.
On paper, according to the census, they appear to be a match: Vermont has half a million people, making it 49th of 50 states in population. The median age for residents is 33. It is 98 percent while and has a 5 percent unemployment rate.
New Hampshire has about a million residents. That places it 40th in rank. It, too, is 98 percent white and also has an unemployment rate lingering around 5 percent.
This proves beyond doubt that statistics are stupid. As a matter of fact, two states could no be more different.
Vermont is a beautiful place, a postcard. New Hampshire looks like Arkansas with snow.
Vermont was home to Abe Lincoln's son and the von Trapp family. New Hampshire gave us the lunatic publisher Loeb, the thief Sherman Adams, the preposterous Sununu and a member of the Manson gang.
Vermont passed a Clean Air act before the environment became trendy. New Hampshire wrote a constitutional amendment raising the IQ of its citizens by 50 points so they could communicate with their house pets.
Vermont has several nifty towns like Brattleboro and Montpelier. New Hampshire's largest city - Manchester - has a main street that concludes in a dead end.
First thing you see when cross into Vermont is spectacular foliage and sprawling valleys that recede into picturesque, rolling hills. First thing you see in New Hampshire is a toll booth where the attendant is stumped making change for a $5 bill, followed by a state liquor store.
They speak English in Vermont. They speak a contorted form of gibberish in New Hampshire, saying things like "Geez-o crow, look 'hup the street, the soldiers are marching down."
Vermont has a lots of extremely attractive women. In New Hampshire, the best looking females are those who trim their mustaches.
Vermont is a mecca for tourists. New Hampshire attracts illiterate ice-fishermen and motorcycle gangs.
Vermont has two capable United States senators. New Hampshire has Judd Gregg, a complete dope who won the 1993 Anthony Perkins "Psycho" look-alike contest and took great pride in the fact he tried to take a dying woman's money after she put a down payment on his property and then tried to get it back after she contracted cancer. When Gregg announced for the Senate, they coined the phrase, "The sap is running."
On Saturday evenings in Vermont, residents go out to eat or stay home to listen to that boring screwball on National Public Radio. Saturday nights in New Hampshire there is a debate over whether to bathe for the week ahead.
Vermont has a lot of people who moved from Massachusetts and New York to escape the rat race. New Hampshire has thousands who moved in out of pure selfishness, to avoid taxes or doing anything that might help a neighbor.
In Vermont, if you get sick they take you to a hospital. In New Hampshire, if you become ill, old or infirm they use you for fertilizer or target practice.
In Vermont, people sometimes complain about the cold of winter or the mud in the spring. In New Hampshire, the most common complaint is the sheep either have a headache or they lie.
To be fair, New Hampshire does have some good points. Areas like Portsmouth, Keene and Peterborough and places like Dartmouth and Durham get a special exemption because they don't fit in with the rest of the state. In addition, New Hampshire has a lot of funerals.
Vermont is called the "Green Mountain State." New Hampshire has "Live Free or Die" on its license plates and the Legislature would actually prefer three of the words be removed so the slogan would simply read, "Die."
Vermonters are urbane and fashionable in a rural-chic way. Granite State natives are a mentally-challenged lot of easily confused white people who think buildings with elevators qualify as tourist attractions and spend enormous amounts of money in tattoo parlors or gun stores.
When people from Vermont take a vacation, they travel to spots like Yellowstone Park or Sanibel Island. In New Hampshire, they get in their snowmobiles or speed boats and go to motels to take pictures of indoor plumbing.
Vermont is comfortable and progressive. New Hampshire is home to oddballs in Day-Glo hats, with a deer tossed on top of their truck who pride themselves in being sour, stingy sociopaths who revel in the economic misery of others.
Vermont is New England. In New Hampshire, even in the Old Man of the Mountains wants out.
Mike Barnicle, The Boston Globe newspaper , unknown date
On paper, according to the census, they appear to be a match: Vermont has half a million people, making it 49th of 50 states in population. The median age for residents is 33. It is 98 percent while and has a 5 percent unemployment rate.
New Hampshire has about a million residents. That places it 40th in rank. It, too, is 98 percent white and also has an unemployment rate lingering around 5 percent.
This proves beyond doubt that statistics are stupid. As a matter of fact, two states could no be more different.
Vermont is a beautiful place, a postcard. New Hampshire looks like Arkansas with snow.
Vermont was home to Abe Lincoln's son and the von Trapp family. New Hampshire gave us the lunatic publisher Loeb, the thief Sherman Adams, the preposterous Sununu and a member of the Manson gang.
Vermont passed a Clean Air act before the environment became trendy. New Hampshire wrote a constitutional amendment raising the IQ of its citizens by 50 points so they could communicate with their house pets.
Vermont has several nifty towns like Brattleboro and Montpelier. New Hampshire's largest city - Manchester - has a main street that concludes in a dead end.
First thing you see when cross into Vermont is spectacular foliage and sprawling valleys that recede into picturesque, rolling hills. First thing you see in New Hampshire is a toll booth where the attendant is stumped making change for a $5 bill, followed by a state liquor store.
They speak English in Vermont. They speak a contorted form of gibberish in New Hampshire, saying things like "Geez-o crow, look 'hup the street, the soldiers are marching down."
Vermont has a lots of extremely attractive women. In New Hampshire, the best looking females are those who trim their mustaches.
Vermont is a mecca for tourists. New Hampshire attracts illiterate ice-fishermen and motorcycle gangs.
Vermont has two capable United States senators. New Hampshire has Judd Gregg, a complete dope who won the 1993 Anthony Perkins "Psycho" look-alike contest and took great pride in the fact he tried to take a dying woman's money after she put a down payment on his property and then tried to get it back after she contracted cancer. When Gregg announced for the Senate, they coined the phrase, "The sap is running."
On Saturday evenings in Vermont, residents go out to eat or stay home to listen to that boring screwball on National Public Radio. Saturday nights in New Hampshire there is a debate over whether to bathe for the week ahead.
Vermont has a lot of people who moved from Massachusetts and New York to escape the rat race. New Hampshire has thousands who moved in out of pure selfishness, to avoid taxes or doing anything that might help a neighbor.
In Vermont, if you get sick they take you to a hospital. In New Hampshire, if you become ill, old or infirm they use you for fertilizer or target practice.
In Vermont, people sometimes complain about the cold of winter or the mud in the spring. In New Hampshire, the most common complaint is the sheep either have a headache or they lie.
To be fair, New Hampshire does have some good points. Areas like Portsmouth, Keene and Peterborough and places like Dartmouth and Durham get a special exemption because they don't fit in with the rest of the state. In addition, New Hampshire has a lot of funerals.
Vermont is called the "Green Mountain State." New Hampshire has "Live Free or Die" on its license plates and the Legislature would actually prefer three of the words be removed so the slogan would simply read, "Die."
Vermonters are urbane and fashionable in a rural-chic way. Granite State natives are a mentally-challenged lot of easily confused white people who think buildings with elevators qualify as tourist attractions and spend enormous amounts of money in tattoo parlors or gun stores.
When people from Vermont take a vacation, they travel to spots like Yellowstone Park or Sanibel Island. In New Hampshire, they get in their snowmobiles or speed boats and go to motels to take pictures of indoor plumbing.
Vermont is comfortable and progressive. New Hampshire is home to oddballs in Day-Glo hats, with a deer tossed on top of their truck who pride themselves in being sour, stingy sociopaths who revel in the economic misery of others.
Vermont is New England. In New Hampshire, even in the Old Man of the Mountains wants out.
Mike Barnicle, The Boston Globe newspaper , unknown date
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Truly a state to laugh at
You don't have to be a history major to know that every four years we have a presidential election. And you don't have to be a graduate of one of those "Mr. Memory" correspondence courses to recall that New Hampshire becomes a very important factor in deciding who is essentially gets to the White House.
This very thought --New Hampshire as a big deal-- is appalling. The idea of having it loom so large on the national horizon is ludicrous, yet it is happening again.
It is a state with more pine cones than people. And there are some who live there who take 2 hours to watch 60 minutes on television. When people stay at motels up there, they mention a year instead of an hour in leaving a wake-up call.
Sure they do a few things well:plowing the roads, wear red and black hunting hats, and walk around for 8 months of the year saying "holy crow was so cold today that I froze the toe".
It is a truck stop, not a state. Whenever you mention the mainstream of American life, everyone eat runs out the door with a pole in their hand yelling, "Look up the stream, the fish are swimming down."
There are a few cities-- Portsmouth, Manchester, even Concord-- where you can bump into somebody who relates to 198. But by and large, when you're talking New Hampshire, you're talking tundra.
You're talking about a lot of people who think kindergartens and sex education in high school are the Kremlin's ways of getting a foot in the door. You're talking about a place where you're poor only when you don't own a snowmobile. You're talking major league buffoonery.
And look at the candidates who have rolled out of New Hampshire on their way to Washington. Forget Ike and Kennedy, because they won their nominations in the good old days, when a few sensible political bosses were allowed to slam-dunk things through a convention hoop.
Start with 1968: The most amazing thing about that primary is that Gene McCarthy did not really clean Lyndon Johnson's clock. Instead, he finished a close second to an incumbent president who thought he was a combination of Douglas MacArthur, George Patton and Rasputin.
In 1972 Muskie just edged George McGovern. Aah, you're probably still tingling all over from the excitement. In 1976, Ford and Carter claimed the hearts and minds of the Granite State. Poor Jerry Ford would have lost a debate with a turnip, and Carter, supposedly one of the smartest guys ever, had the personality of a day-old glass of water.
In 1980, Reagan reminded people of the Old Man of the Mountain and came out ahead. Carter won the Democratic primary by whining about what a great job he was doing monitoring the condition of the hostages.
And 1984 promises more of the same. Already, room and restaurant revenues are up simply because of the moronic belief that what happens in New Hampshire is relevant.
Yet the only reason the primary vote up there in Snowball Heaven is significant is that the national media made it out to be a really big deal. This is further proof that the networks and national newspapers and dominated by individuals with absolutely no sense of reality.
A candidate can win the New Hampshire primary by getting fewer votes than it takes to get a seat on the Boston City Council. A candidate can see more minorities getting off the train at Park Street Under than he will ever see going back and forth from Laconia to Dover by dog sled for 18 months.
You can learn more about America by talking to a skycap at Logan for 5 minutes than by attending a day long seminar with the thumbsuckers from Dartmouth. You can meet more real people with real problems at the Meadow Glen mall than you will ever meet in Cow Hampshire.
Of course whenever all of this is mentioned, there are those who come back with the claim that New Hampshire is important. Why? And to whom? How come?
People sit down, crayon in hand, and print nasty notes from little villages with names like Swollen Gulch, Bird Drop, and Franconia Notch. The notes say "We don't have murders, rapes, corruption, and political hacks the way you big city people do. You're just jealous, and if you don't like our state, stay stay home."
No problem. There is no inclination here to set up light housekeeping in Jaffrey, New Hampshire, and spend spare time watching milk trucks unload.
But the very items always mentioned-- crime etc --are the biggest reasons not to pay any attention to what goes on in the igloo capital of the world. The whole state is a microcosm of an order of the Moose Lodge. New Hampshire is to the country what Barry Manilow is to good music. The only thing that makes the Granite State look good is Iowa--and that's reaching a bit.
Mike Barnicle
The Boston Globe, 1983
This very thought --New Hampshire as a big deal-- is appalling. The idea of having it loom so large on the national horizon is ludicrous, yet it is happening again.
It is a state with more pine cones than people. And there are some who live there who take 2 hours to watch 60 minutes on television. When people stay at motels up there, they mention a year instead of an hour in leaving a wake-up call.
Sure they do a few things well:plowing the roads, wear red and black hunting hats, and walk around for 8 months of the year saying "holy crow was so cold today that I froze the toe".
It is a truck stop, not a state. Whenever you mention the mainstream of American life, everyone eat runs out the door with a pole in their hand yelling, "Look up the stream, the fish are swimming down."
There are a few cities-- Portsmouth, Manchester, even Concord-- where you can bump into somebody who relates to 198. But by and large, when you're talking New Hampshire, you're talking tundra.
You're talking about a lot of people who think kindergartens and sex education in high school are the Kremlin's ways of getting a foot in the door. You're talking about a place where you're poor only when you don't own a snowmobile. You're talking major league buffoonery.
And look at the candidates who have rolled out of New Hampshire on their way to Washington. Forget Ike and Kennedy, because they won their nominations in the good old days, when a few sensible political bosses were allowed to slam-dunk things through a convention hoop.
Start with 1968: The most amazing thing about that primary is that Gene McCarthy did not really clean Lyndon Johnson's clock. Instead, he finished a close second to an incumbent president who thought he was a combination of Douglas MacArthur, George Patton and Rasputin.
In 1972 Muskie just edged George McGovern. Aah, you're probably still tingling all over from the excitement. In 1976, Ford and Carter claimed the hearts and minds of the Granite State. Poor Jerry Ford would have lost a debate with a turnip, and Carter, supposedly one of the smartest guys ever, had the personality of a day-old glass of water.
In 1980, Reagan reminded people of the Old Man of the Mountain and came out ahead. Carter won the Democratic primary by whining about what a great job he was doing monitoring the condition of the hostages.
And 1984 promises more of the same. Already, room and restaurant revenues are up simply because of the moronic belief that what happens in New Hampshire is relevant.
Yet the only reason the primary vote up there in Snowball Heaven is significant is that the national media made it out to be a really big deal. This is further proof that the networks and national newspapers and dominated by individuals with absolutely no sense of reality.
A candidate can win the New Hampshire primary by getting fewer votes than it takes to get a seat on the Boston City Council. A candidate can see more minorities getting off the train at Park Street Under than he will ever see going back and forth from Laconia to Dover by dog sled for 18 months.
You can learn more about America by talking to a skycap at Logan for 5 minutes than by attending a day long seminar with the thumbsuckers from Dartmouth. You can meet more real people with real problems at the Meadow Glen mall than you will ever meet in Cow Hampshire.
Of course whenever all of this is mentioned, there are those who come back with the claim that New Hampshire is important. Why? And to whom? How come?
People sit down, crayon in hand, and print nasty notes from little villages with names like Swollen Gulch, Bird Drop, and Franconia Notch. The notes say "We don't have murders, rapes, corruption, and political hacks the way you big city people do. You're just jealous, and if you don't like our state, stay stay home."
No problem. There is no inclination here to set up light housekeeping in Jaffrey, New Hampshire, and spend spare time watching milk trucks unload.
But the very items always mentioned-- crime etc --are the biggest reasons not to pay any attention to what goes on in the igloo capital of the world. The whole state is a microcosm of an order of the Moose Lodge. New Hampshire is to the country what Barry Manilow is to good music. The only thing that makes the Granite State look good is Iowa--and that's reaching a bit.
Mike Barnicle
The Boston Globe, 1983
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